#but also part of me LIKES these rules so its being tughed on my all these different forces aashdhdhsffnbndknnndndn
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wishy stupid OCD rules n fears didn't impede me from having sex w/ someone in my own bed
#only been able to have one person in there with me and they were put in the 'clean' category by my brain#so it made it easier but i still washed everything twice immediately after that...#and like ugh when ppl dont get put in the 'clean' category by my brain i do not know what to do#cause then im fighting the tediousness of having to wash everything the next day#im fighting not having a panic attack that the sacred untouchable space (bedroom) is now corrupted...#and im fighting not being an ass and asking the person to shower before touching my room...#ughhhh then im fighting the embarassment and the gross feeling like im trying to control ppl too...#so much easier to just not do it in my house... aaaaaahhhhhhh#but also part of me LIKES these rules so its being tughed on my all these different forces aashdhdhsffnbndknnndndn
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